Excuse Me, Fellow Theatre-Goer:

Could you please NOT eat your peely skin? That’s just gross. And distracting.

Here I am, trying to enjoy a nice relaxing evening with my husband and friend at our local cinema. You are obviously enjoying your gigantic box of Nerds. And scratching your large arms. And then eating scratched off bits of skin.

I can’t believe what I am seeing, but I try to focus on the movie. But darnit, it’s just to weird. It’s just TOO WEIRD.

Amazed, I finish the film without hardly remembering what it was we went there to watch in the first place. While your performance did inspire awe in me, I would rather not sit near you in future movies.

I appreciate your cooperation in this matter.