Event Numero Uno: Alkaselzer is really fizzy when you add it to water…really, really fizzy. Apparently, name brand Alkaselzer has approximately three times the fizz power of off-brand…or so I was told after teasing my mom for adding it to water in a TINY cup. I mean nearly the size of the cup that comes with night-time cold medicine. As can be imagined, what ensued was akin to a 5th grade science fair project gone bad.

Event Numero Dos: Ever heard the expression, “All dressed up with no place to go?” Last time we were out for a visit at my mom’s, she informed us that she was going to see Sweeney Todd that Sunday night. This wasn’t a huge problem for us, but since we were planning on hanging out with my dad Sunday afternoon already, we thought we’d check to see if we could move it to Sunday night. That way, we’d have more time to spend with my mom–instead of leaving her home by herself and then being at the house by ourselves while she went out to her show.

Of course, it was no problem for my dad to change our plans to the evening. We got ourselves all ready (which didn’t involve too much), while my mom got herself ready for a nice dinner and broadway musical. She just about had her coat on, ready for her ride to pick her up, when she thought maybe she’d better check her tickets, just in case. Not having her glasses handy, I read them for her. They were for the next Sunday.

So there you go. Two more mini-delights from one of the biggest characters in my life (the first being the person I married). She’s lovable, laughable, and huggable–that’s my mom!

Fact: There are only five houses on our street.

Fact: This was like the 6th time my mom came out to visit us.

Luckily, Teddy is the nicest neighbor ever. She invited these strange women in for coffee, thinking that perhaps she should know who they were but just couldn’t remember their names and wanted to be polite to them.

Why did you take her to another movie, you ask? A new post is why.

During the film in the pirate meeting part, my mom thinks she knows who Mistress Ching is. She starts tapping me and I lean over to hear her say “That’s Roseanne Barr!” I immediately started laughing and told her that woman is Japanese, and last I remember Roseanne Barr did not look Japanese (although she did have a lot of work done). She didn’t believe me, so I saw her poke my dad and go “That’s Roseanne Barr!”

Even during the credit role she kept looking for her name as we were laughing that she actually thought it was her. Ah well, that’s my mom!

“A zombie movie for Mother’s Day!?” is usually what everyone said, but 28 Days Later was one of her favorite movies so I thought it to be appropriate. We had a great time eating popcorn and sitting at the edge of our seat with excitement. Once the movie was over, we were the last to leave and the clean up crew was waiting for us to leave to get to work.

I got out of the theatre first, and held the door as my wife followed. My mom was a bit slower, and before she walked out she went up to the crew and went “RRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRR!” and then went into a giggle fit and said she couldn’t resist it.

I told her it’s going on the internets (the one w/ email) because That’s My Mom!

One time, when my mom was visiting, she tried to sneak out of the bathroom, naked, to get a towel out of the hall closet. My mom is allergic to cats. One of our cats started to go into the bathroom, so my mom shut the door. And locked herself out. Naked. In our hallway.

You know that little demon that sits on your shoulder and tells you to buy things you don’t need? That’s my mom…only she tells you to buy things you don’t even like.

I think it’s her “gathering instinct” that kicks in every time we go shopping. In the old days, she would search the mall over for “provisions.” She’s still exactly the same—gathering cherishable body and feet coverings for me…only now she wants ME to pay for them.

And what person out there can honestly say that they’ve NEVER decided the day before their daughter’s wedding to dye their hair…a lovely shade of fuscia?

Like 99.9 percent sure.

So bring it.

(Preferably when we’re all having dinner at a moderately-priced restaurant.)

One day, Dustin bit me on the shoulder so hard that I bled. Everyone, including Mom, had had enough of this. So she said, “Go ahead and bite him back.” It was the happiest day of my life.