Category Archives: ULTRAretarded™

What to do

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train…. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case. Remove your laptop. Turn it on. Make sure the guy who won’t leave you alone can see the screen. Open this email. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the [...]

By ZNB Posted in ULTRAretarded™ Leave a comment

My Humps (as performed by Alanis Morissette)

I know this just made your day. You are welcome.

By ZNB Posted in ULTRAretarded™ Leave a comment

Memo to All Employees

Just a reminder that whenever you have any questions at all (job-related or personal), please, please, please do not hesitate for one single moment to consult your butt. Always here for you, The Management

By Dorkusbalorkus Posted in ULTRAretarded™ 1 Comment

Warning: Having Fun is Risky Business!

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By Dorkusbalorkus Posted in ULTRAretarded™ 2 Comments

Thanksgiving Cards Make Woman Go Postal

Question: Is it completely normal to send out Thanksgiving cards to people? The reason I ask is that while I was at the post office today, some lady was b*tching that she needs her Thanksgiving cards to be in Florida by Thanksgiving. Are Thanksgiving cards all the rage this year? I’m terrible at even sending [...]

By Dorkusbalorkus Posted in ULTRAretarded™ 3 Comments